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Entry tags:
cherish symbols
Title: cherish symbols
Fandom: Undertale
Character(s): Alphys
Pairing(s): Alphys/Undyne
Genre: Angst
Word Count: 550
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Depression, suicidal thoughts
Summary: Alphys, the unworthy.
Notes: 93% of today's goal!
Alphys doesn’t wonder why she loves Undyne, only how she’s going to manage now that she does.
Why bother asking why? Isn’t love inevitable, fated, predestined? You see someone across the room and your heart falls into place? That’s how it works on every anime she’s seen: love at first sight, at first bumping into in the school hallway and dropping all your books, at first rescue from the terrible creature that was surely about to eat you until that special person saved you.
Alphys isn’t a schoolgirl, and nothing is about to eat her.
(Sometimes she wishes something would, just to take the choice out of her hands.)
But she’s sure she knows that the palpitations of her heart when she sees Undyne are love, love, love with every beat. It’s meant to be, maybe. Maybe it’s only meant to be that she pines for her, and maybe Undyne will fall for someone worthier. She could be the third part in a cliche love triangle. She always hated love triangles.
There’s no point in asking why she’s in love. It’s everything: it’s Undyne’s Undyneness. It can’t be pinned down to any trait or action.
(There’s no point in wondering if it’s how Undyne is so confident, so full of life and vitality, and Alphys wishes she was a little more like her; or, failing that, how Undyne has enough confidence for both of them, to prop Alphys up when she can’t stand on her own.
Even Alphys knows that’s not quite healthy. So she doesn’t think about it.)
Undyne is the hero of the people, and Alphys’ hero too. But Alphys is the one who gets calls from her about the weather or other nonsense, and even if she hates talking on the phone she can’t help but be pleased that Undyne took time out of her day specifically to talk to her, her and her alone.
She doesn’t dare think that her feelings are mutual. But she likes to think she’s special to Undyne somehow.
Undyne is... refreshingly straightforward. For the most part, what you see is what you get. Alphys knows her well enough to know that the most she has to hide is an occasional affection for cute things that she quickly covers with declarations that she’s tough as nails, as though Alphys would think less of her for it. Alphys doesn’t think she could think less of her for anything.
On the other hand, it’s Alphys who’s a liar, a fake. She hides in her laboratory so she doesn’t have to own up to the consequences of her actions. She puts on a false smile so that no one will know that she’s hurting. She’s not like Undyne at all, not in any way that matters.
There’s no way someone she envies so much could ever like her back. She’s stopped hoping for that long ago.
If she were a better person, maybe things would be different between them. But... change is difficult, and even the first steps toward it frighten her. What if it doesn’t work? Think of how much she has to lose just by trying. It’s not worth it. It’ll never be worth it. She’ll always be stuck like this.
So she cowers in her laboratory, and waits for Undyne to call.
Fandom: Undertale
Character(s): Alphys
Pairing(s): Alphys/Undyne
Genre: Angst
Word Count: 550
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Depression, suicidal thoughts
Summary: Alphys, the unworthy.
Notes: 93% of today's goal!
Alphys doesn’t wonder why she loves Undyne, only how she’s going to manage now that she does.
Why bother asking why? Isn’t love inevitable, fated, predestined? You see someone across the room and your heart falls into place? That’s how it works on every anime she’s seen: love at first sight, at first bumping into in the school hallway and dropping all your books, at first rescue from the terrible creature that was surely about to eat you until that special person saved you.
Alphys isn’t a schoolgirl, and nothing is about to eat her.
(Sometimes she wishes something would, just to take the choice out of her hands.)
But she’s sure she knows that the palpitations of her heart when she sees Undyne are love, love, love with every beat. It’s meant to be, maybe. Maybe it’s only meant to be that she pines for her, and maybe Undyne will fall for someone worthier. She could be the third part in a cliche love triangle. She always hated love triangles.
There’s no point in asking why she’s in love. It’s everything: it’s Undyne’s Undyneness. It can’t be pinned down to any trait or action.
(There’s no point in wondering if it’s how Undyne is so confident, so full of life and vitality, and Alphys wishes she was a little more like her; or, failing that, how Undyne has enough confidence for both of them, to prop Alphys up when she can’t stand on her own.
Even Alphys knows that’s not quite healthy. So she doesn’t think about it.)
Undyne is the hero of the people, and Alphys’ hero too. But Alphys is the one who gets calls from her about the weather or other nonsense, and even if she hates talking on the phone she can’t help but be pleased that Undyne took time out of her day specifically to talk to her, her and her alone.
She doesn’t dare think that her feelings are mutual. But she likes to think she’s special to Undyne somehow.
Undyne is... refreshingly straightforward. For the most part, what you see is what you get. Alphys knows her well enough to know that the most she has to hide is an occasional affection for cute things that she quickly covers with declarations that she’s tough as nails, as though Alphys would think less of her for it. Alphys doesn’t think she could think less of her for anything.
On the other hand, it’s Alphys who’s a liar, a fake. She hides in her laboratory so she doesn’t have to own up to the consequences of her actions. She puts on a false smile so that no one will know that she’s hurting. She’s not like Undyne at all, not in any way that matters.
There’s no way someone she envies so much could ever like her back. She’s stopped hoping for that long ago.
If she were a better person, maybe things would be different between them. But... change is difficult, and even the first steps toward it frighten her. What if it doesn’t work? Think of how much she has to lose just by trying. It’s not worth it. It’ll never be worth it. She’ll always be stuck like this.
So she cowers in her laboratory, and waits for Undyne to call.