misheard: (Archer)
Mini ([personal profile] misheard) wrote in [community profile] nealuchi2013-08-27 05:21 pm

Private People

Title: Private People
Fandom: Fate/stay night, Fate/Zero
Character(s): Zero Lancer, Archer, mentions
Pairing(s): Archer/Zero Lancer
Genre: Humor/Smut
Word Count: 1,270
Rating: NC-17
Warnings: None
Summary: Diarmuid drags his fellow Servant into a plan to avoid him having to date a woman.
Notes: For wildcard, vanilla kink ish. Elf asked if this pairing existed. It didn't. Now it does.


After the mass outpouring of Heroic Spirits from the Grail, Shirou Emiya's home could not hold every Servant, and especially could not hold both Shirou and the red Archer.

Diarmuid Ua Duibhne elected to move out with said Archer and contact with his Master, ostensibly to avoid the large crowd of women that was forming at the Emiya home. Not every Servant had a high Magic Resistance, after all.

Compared to the hectic Emiya residence, the Tohsaka mansion was quiet. Though its mistress could be played by Archer like a fiddle to cause screams that seemed to make the whole house shake, Lancer was just as quick to calm her back down, and afterwards give Archer a reprimand that would actually make him feel guilty. Not many people alive or dead could make that claim, and Lancer had to be respected for it.

Everyone in the house knew how to prepare a good cup of tea. When Rin was in a bad funk, Archer would often bump into Lancer in the kitchen: not as attuned to Rin's moods, but quicker on his feet. On occasion they'd flip a coin for the right, but mostly Lancer allowed Archer to do the honors if he wished.

Lancer was often caught in the library, the one above ground that was less dangerous, and this was where Archer went when he wanted to find him, like now.

"Lancer." He knew Diarmuid was his true name- Lancer didn't make much of a secret of it- but it rolled more easily off his tongue, and since Lancer didn't know his own true name, it made their conversations a bit more even.

Lancer put down the book that he was reading and turned to Archer with an amiable expression. "Good evening, Archer."

Archer didn't waste time getting to business. "Rin approached me about something this morning. It seems she had a dream about your history and was troubled by it."

The smile slipped off Diarmuid's face, replaced by a more serious expression. "Ah... I will have to apologize to our Master."

Archer snorted. "I wouldn't apologize yet. Her idea of fixing things is finding you a girlfriend who isn't swayed by your mark."

Diarmuid stared in stunned silence. "Are-"

"If you're about to ask me if I'm sure, I can promise you that that is exactly what she told me. It would be 'healthy' for you."

Lancer twisted his hands in his shirt. "I cannot just- it's a terrible idea- what if it goes wrong and-"

"Do you plan to tell any of that to Rin?" Archer asked.

"...If my Master wishes it..." Lancer seemed to deflate. "Her intentions are good..."

"You're pathetic when it comes to this," Archer said.

"And you're cru...el..." Lancer paused, and when he spoke next it was an entirely different tone. "Please go out with me."

-Archer had to have misheard that. "Huh?"

Lancer's eyes were possessed by a fire only known to men in desperation. "Are you secretly a woman?"

"Of course not, but-"

"Are you willing to let our Master parade women around to see if any of them fall in love with me and then distinguish between them how?"

"It sounds troublesome but-"

"If I am to stop her doing this I must have a significant other as soon as possible. Please, it will only be until she loses interest."

"You could just tell her no, but..." Archer sighed. "Very well, I'll play along with your farce."

That was how Archer and Lancer became Officially Dating. Rin seemed a tiny bit disappointed, but the fun of teasing both her Servants about it outweighed the loss of not being able to matchmake for Lancer.

Archer and Lancer, being "private people", did not kiss in public. They did not kiss in private either. They spent marginally more time together, but they were too old to be expected to hold hands at every opportunity.

Their lives went remarkably like they did before they started 'dating'. And, in time, everyone accepted that this was the natural order of things.

Almost everyone.

"Lancer, are you awake?"

"Come in."

Archer entered Lancer's room, which was lit only by a lamp at the far corner. He knew Rin was fast asleep, he'd checked, so this was an ideal time to talk about important matters between them.

"There's something we need to discuss," Archer said, leaning against the door.

"I was thinking the same." Lancer rose from where he had been sitting on the bed.

They spoke at the same time.

"Do you want to break up-"

"Do you want to really date-"

Archer raised an eyebrow. "I thought you were interested in women."

It was hard to see in the darkly-lit room, but he thought Lancer's face flushed. "Most people have exceptions. ...I take it you do not."

"I've never considered it before." Even while supposedly dating a man, Archer's focus had been on not getting found out when he was going through the motions. "I do appreciate the compliment."

"You're welcome." Lancer took the few steps needed to close the gap between them. "Please excuse me for this."

Lancer kissed him. He kissed with skill that reflected his reputation as a lover that almost exceeded his reputation as a hero. Archer, with no such reputation but (he thought) more than enough skill to get him by, had to respond to the kiss.

When the kiss ended, Lancer stepped away to give him space and Archer muttered, barely, "You're excused."

Then Archer closed the gap again.

They traded kisses, dominating, responding, meeting in the middle. At some point the bed became a factor and Archer had the luck to end up on top; Lancer didn't seem to mind if the way his hands found purchase in Archer's shirt was any indication.

Archer hadn't meant to take it further than making out, even if they had technically been dating for weeks, but when he paused the kiss to gently nick his teeth against Lancer's throat and Lancer made a sudden noise, like a moan but sharper, he found it more and more difficult to resist doing that again. And again. And again until Diarmuid's moans sounded more like 'please' by the second.

After that, when Lancer started unbuttoning Archer's shirt, Archer made no attempt at all to stop him, repaying the favor instead. Ironing their clothes later was a small price to pay for discarding them all in a messy heap now.

Lancer's wandering hands soon found more sensitive skin, and this time it was Archer's turn to moan. His eyes shut and he felt Lancer rub himself against him. As he reached to give him a helping hand, Lancer caught his face with one hand and kissed him again, less focused than he had been before but infinitely better with the added contact below.

Archer kept stroking them both in the same motion, speeding up when he felt himself get closer to completion and when Lancer's hips began to push more frantically up into his hand. The kiss became messier, and fell apart completely when Diarmuid came over their hands, though Archer didn't have much time to tease him about it before climax made all words leave his mind in favor of white-hot pleasure as he followed suit.

They laid there for a while before Diarmuid laughed and pushed his forelock out of his eyes. "If you were still intending to break up with me," he said, "that was not the best way to go about it."

"It left my mind completely after the, what, fourth kiss."

"Really? I forgot about it only after the second..."