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Entry tags:
beg forgiveness from the rat
Title: beg forgiveness from the rat
Fandom: Mogeko Castle
Character(s): Yonaka
Pairing(s): None
Genre: Angst
Word Count: 470
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Summary: Perspective as an enemy.
Notes: Too short to put on AO3.
The words “well, at least it’s not-” make themselves known on Yonaka’s lips too many times, when she returns to her normal world. When she settles back into school and goes about her daily life from before, trying to reclaim as much of it as possible minus a family and her innocence, the events of Mogeko Castle never leave her mind.
There is a certain strength in perspective. A stubbed toe is painful, but it will heal faster than the wounds of the soul, and even besides that, it’s better to have a stubbed toe now than then, when tripping might have doomed her to fates she doesn’t like to dwell on, even when reassuring herself that everything now is better than then.
There is a certain comfort in perspective, that allows Yonaka to say, when her classmates take note of her darting eyes and the way she won’t sit with her back to the door, when her attempts to reach out and make friends fail or succeed only on a superficial level, “this is better than it could be.” And that keeps her from crying more than she already does.
There is a certain need for perspective, a necessary byproduct of going through hell. Someone who has already seen the bottom is not so quick to say again that they have reached it. They have a better guide for measuring now.
But even perspective can be an enemy. Almost anything can.
Perhaps a stubbed toe is very little, after all, compared to everything she’s already gone through, and perhaps it is better to have it now than then. But the pain is real, and trying to walk on it immediately after injuring it only makes it worse while she’s still telling herself that it’s nothing, nothing at all.
Perhaps it’s better to be alone than dead, or stuck as someone’s toy in Mogeko Castle, or some other worse fate she won’t imagine. But that doesn’t mean she should settle for being isolated, and stop trying to find a shoulder she can lean on or even just someone she can talk to without reservation. None of that was her fault; she can’t let others treat her like it was. She can’t treat herself like it was.
Perhaps she has already been through hell, but that doesn’t mean her current circumstances are something she should just put up with because they could be worse, because she’s already suffered worse.
Yonaka knows that anything she goes through now will be better than Mogeko Castle, but she forgets at times that she still has the right to cry over this, too, over stubbed toes and rejected friendships, over poor grades and overwhelming piles of homework, over anything she should decide is worth crying over.
She always will have that right, if nothing else.
Fandom: Mogeko Castle
Character(s): Yonaka
Pairing(s): None
Genre: Angst
Word Count: 470
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Summary: Perspective as an enemy.
Notes: Too short to put on AO3.
The words “well, at least it’s not-” make themselves known on Yonaka’s lips too many times, when she returns to her normal world. When she settles back into school and goes about her daily life from before, trying to reclaim as much of it as possible minus a family and her innocence, the events of Mogeko Castle never leave her mind.
There is a certain strength in perspective. A stubbed toe is painful, but it will heal faster than the wounds of the soul, and even besides that, it’s better to have a stubbed toe now than then, when tripping might have doomed her to fates she doesn’t like to dwell on, even when reassuring herself that everything now is better than then.
There is a certain comfort in perspective, that allows Yonaka to say, when her classmates take note of her darting eyes and the way she won’t sit with her back to the door, when her attempts to reach out and make friends fail or succeed only on a superficial level, “this is better than it could be.” And that keeps her from crying more than she already does.
There is a certain need for perspective, a necessary byproduct of going through hell. Someone who has already seen the bottom is not so quick to say again that they have reached it. They have a better guide for measuring now.
But even perspective can be an enemy. Almost anything can.
Perhaps a stubbed toe is very little, after all, compared to everything she’s already gone through, and perhaps it is better to have it now than then. But the pain is real, and trying to walk on it immediately after injuring it only makes it worse while she’s still telling herself that it’s nothing, nothing at all.
Perhaps it’s better to be alone than dead, or stuck as someone’s toy in Mogeko Castle, or some other worse fate she won’t imagine. But that doesn’t mean she should settle for being isolated, and stop trying to find a shoulder she can lean on or even just someone she can talk to without reservation. None of that was her fault; she can’t let others treat her like it was. She can’t treat herself like it was.
Perhaps she has already been through hell, but that doesn’t mean her current circumstances are something she should just put up with because they could be worse, because she’s already suffered worse.
Yonaka knows that anything she goes through now will be better than Mogeko Castle, but she forgets at times that she still has the right to cry over this, too, over stubbed toes and rejected friendships, over poor grades and overwhelming piles of homework, over anything she should decide is worth crying over.
She always will have that right, if nothing else.