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Whodunnit
Title: Whodunnit
Fandom: Dangan Ronpa
Character(s): Naegi, Asahina, Celes, Kirigiri, Sakura, Touko, Ishimaru, Yamada, Hagakure, Togami
Pairing(s): Togami/Naegi, onesided Touko/Togami
Genre: Humor
Word Count: 1,025
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Summary: This is an investigation into who Naegi got laid with.
Notes: First fic in the fandom. Had trouble remembering who used what names. Before EP3.
The expression on Makoto Naegi's face when he walked into the cafeteria that morning could be easily described as this: 'I just got laid last night.' He had a doofy smile on his face, a persistent blush, messy hair, and an inability to keep eye contact with anybody for more than a moment. At everyone's staring, he started to back out of the cafeteria. "Actually, I... f-forgot something in my room..."
"Wait, who was it that-?" Asahina started to ask.
Naegi turned and broke into a run. "I'll never tell-!" he called out behind him.
A dead silence lingered in the room.
"...It wasn't me," Celes commented.
"Neither was it me," added Kirigiri.
"Not me either." Asahina was blushing hard.
"I have no time for such things," Sakura pronounced firmly.
They all looked at the only girl in the room who hadn't spoken. Touko gave them a look back. "Are you stupid? H-he's not my type at all, not like Togami..."
"...This is an opportunity to practice our case-solving skills without the threat of dying," Kirigiri declared. "Since none of the men here have demonstrated said skills so far-" Togami was, as usual, absent, "-I'll be leading this investigation."
"You are one of the suspects!" Ishimaru protested. "How can we trust you to lead an effective investigation of who... this... thing happened with?"
"Very well. Among you, Yamada, and Hagakure, which is capable of spearheading the best investigation?" Kirigiri asked calmly.
The three boys looked at each other. "I've got no interest in what people do with 3-D women," Yamada quickly said. "Calling not it."
Hagakure shook his head. "It's yours if you want it."
"I..." Ishimaru sighed. "Go ahead."
"Thank you." Kirigiri turned to the girls. "How many of you have an alibi for last night?"
"Sakura and I do. N-not like that!" Asahina added, though nobody had made the suggestion. "We were training super hard last night, and by the time we got back to our rooms we could barely walk. There's no way either of us had the energy to, uh..."
"To have sex with him," Celes supplied helpfully. "As for me, no one can support my testimony, but I was reading in the library until just before Night Time. I went back to my room and saw no one on the way there."
"Genocider Syo was in control last night, s-so..." Touko looked away from the others.
Ishimaru gasped. "Does that mean... that he might have had illicit relations with Genocider Syo...?"
"That's messed up..." Hagakure replied, looking pale.
"No! I know exactly what she did. She was making those horrible scissors all night," Touko hissed. "Don't look at me like I can't keep track of my own split personality..."
"I was in the recreational room." Kirigiri looked thoughtful. "Did anyone see Naegi at any point last night?"
"I did. He was leaving the infirmary when I came in to get cold medicine." Hagakure shrugged his shoulders. "He didn't say anything to me, and it didn't look like there was anything wrong with him."
"He might have been there to get something. But what could he possibly need?" Ishimaru asked.
A short silence fell before Celes sighed. "Condoms. Condoms is what."
"Oh." Ishimaru looked suitably embarrassed.
"That doesn't help us if we don't break one of the girls' alibis, though..." Asahina scratched her cheek. "Isn't there something that we're missing here?"
"...Asahina, repeat what you just said."
"Huh?" She raised an eyebrow at Kirigiri, who looked as though she'd had a flash of inspiration. "Well, since all the girls have alibis, we can't get any further, can we?"
"Exactly. All the girls. We have not yet established alibis for the men," Kirigiri explained. Everyone in the cafeteria looked shocked. "You three. Where were you last night?"
"I'm not interested in anybody 3-D," Yamada complained. "Uh, I was in my room, with a magazine I got from the recreational room. You saw me get it! Comic Zero-Sum!"
"That's what the comic you had in your hand looked like," Kirigiri answered. "Next?"
"I was training in the men's weight room..." Ishimaru said, almost a whimper.
"Asahina and I heard him through the wall," Sakura commented. "His story stands."
"I don't really have a story," Hagakure said calmly. "After I got the cold medicine, I went to bed early because I was tired, right? If you can get Naegi to talk, he can tell you that I was in the infirmary, but I don't think he's coming out of his room anytime soon..."
"That's all of us, isn't it?" Asahina asked.
Kirigiri frowned. "It's not. We're missing Byakuya Togami."
"Now that you mention it, he wasn't in the library like he usually is, so I can't provide a story for him," Celes added. "I didn't think much of it at the time."
Touko snarled and pounded her fist on the table. "How dare you suggest that Togami would possibly do such lewd things to a boring - to anyone but me!"
"You're not really dating, you know," Hagakure pointed out, but was ignored.
"Nevertheless, we must consider all possibilities in our investigation. I'll go obtain testimony from Togami now. The rest of you may return to your breakfast." Kirigiri left them talking to each other and headed for Togami's room.
She knocked.
"What do you want?"
"Your testimony."
Shortly after, Togami opened the door. "There was no body announcement from Monobear."
"I know. It's not that we're investigating. What were you doing last night?" Kirigiri asked tersely.
"I was feeling tired and went to bed early." He folded his arms. "What are you investigating if not someone's death?"
She looked him straight in the eye. "Someone in this school had sex with Makoto Naegi last night."
Togami turned a bright shade of red. "I don't know what you're asking me for, good day." He slammed the door in her face.
"...All liars have their weaknesses, and his is when it comes to things like this," Kirigiri commented to herself. "That's good. If the case had been any more difficult to unravel, I might have had to start considering the possibility that it was Monobear."
Fandom: Dangan Ronpa
Character(s): Naegi, Asahina, Celes, Kirigiri, Sakura, Touko, Ishimaru, Yamada, Hagakure, Togami
Pairing(s): Togami/Naegi, onesided Touko/Togami
Genre: Humor
Word Count: 1,025
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: None
Summary: This is an investigation into who Naegi got laid with.
Notes: First fic in the fandom. Had trouble remembering who used what names. Before EP3.
The expression on Makoto Naegi's face when he walked into the cafeteria that morning could be easily described as this: 'I just got laid last night.' He had a doofy smile on his face, a persistent blush, messy hair, and an inability to keep eye contact with anybody for more than a moment. At everyone's staring, he started to back out of the cafeteria. "Actually, I... f-forgot something in my room..."
"Wait, who was it that-?" Asahina started to ask.
Naegi turned and broke into a run. "I'll never tell-!" he called out behind him.
A dead silence lingered in the room.
"...It wasn't me," Celes commented.
"Neither was it me," added Kirigiri.
"Not me either." Asahina was blushing hard.
"I have no time for such things," Sakura pronounced firmly.
They all looked at the only girl in the room who hadn't spoken. Touko gave them a look back. "Are you stupid? H-he's not my type at all, not like Togami..."
"...This is an opportunity to practice our case-solving skills without the threat of dying," Kirigiri declared. "Since none of the men here have demonstrated said skills so far-" Togami was, as usual, absent, "-I'll be leading this investigation."
"You are one of the suspects!" Ishimaru protested. "How can we trust you to lead an effective investigation of who... this... thing happened with?"
"Very well. Among you, Yamada, and Hagakure, which is capable of spearheading the best investigation?" Kirigiri asked calmly.
The three boys looked at each other. "I've got no interest in what people do with 3-D women," Yamada quickly said. "Calling not it."
Hagakure shook his head. "It's yours if you want it."
"I..." Ishimaru sighed. "Go ahead."
"Thank you." Kirigiri turned to the girls. "How many of you have an alibi for last night?"
"Sakura and I do. N-not like that!" Asahina added, though nobody had made the suggestion. "We were training super hard last night, and by the time we got back to our rooms we could barely walk. There's no way either of us had the energy to, uh..."
"To have sex with him," Celes supplied helpfully. "As for me, no one can support my testimony, but I was reading in the library until just before Night Time. I went back to my room and saw no one on the way there."
"Genocider Syo was in control last night, s-so..." Touko looked away from the others.
Ishimaru gasped. "Does that mean... that he might have had illicit relations with Genocider Syo...?"
"That's messed up..." Hagakure replied, looking pale.
"No! I know exactly what she did. She was making those horrible scissors all night," Touko hissed. "Don't look at me like I can't keep track of my own split personality..."
"I was in the recreational room." Kirigiri looked thoughtful. "Did anyone see Naegi at any point last night?"
"I did. He was leaving the infirmary when I came in to get cold medicine." Hagakure shrugged his shoulders. "He didn't say anything to me, and it didn't look like there was anything wrong with him."
"He might have been there to get something. But what could he possibly need?" Ishimaru asked.
A short silence fell before Celes sighed. "Condoms. Condoms is what."
"Oh." Ishimaru looked suitably embarrassed.
"That doesn't help us if we don't break one of the girls' alibis, though..." Asahina scratched her cheek. "Isn't there something that we're missing here?"
"...Asahina, repeat what you just said."
"Huh?" She raised an eyebrow at Kirigiri, who looked as though she'd had a flash of inspiration. "Well, since all the girls have alibis, we can't get any further, can we?"
"Exactly. All the girls. We have not yet established alibis for the men," Kirigiri explained. Everyone in the cafeteria looked shocked. "You three. Where were you last night?"
"I'm not interested in anybody 3-D," Yamada complained. "Uh, I was in my room, with a magazine I got from the recreational room. You saw me get it! Comic Zero-Sum!"
"That's what the comic you had in your hand looked like," Kirigiri answered. "Next?"
"I was training in the men's weight room..." Ishimaru said, almost a whimper.
"Asahina and I heard him through the wall," Sakura commented. "His story stands."
"I don't really have a story," Hagakure said calmly. "After I got the cold medicine, I went to bed early because I was tired, right? If you can get Naegi to talk, he can tell you that I was in the infirmary, but I don't think he's coming out of his room anytime soon..."
"That's all of us, isn't it?" Asahina asked.
Kirigiri frowned. "It's not. We're missing Byakuya Togami."
"Now that you mention it, he wasn't in the library like he usually is, so I can't provide a story for him," Celes added. "I didn't think much of it at the time."
Touko snarled and pounded her fist on the table. "How dare you suggest that Togami would possibly do such lewd things to a boring - to anyone but me!"
"You're not really dating, you know," Hagakure pointed out, but was ignored.
"Nevertheless, we must consider all possibilities in our investigation. I'll go obtain testimony from Togami now. The rest of you may return to your breakfast." Kirigiri left them talking to each other and headed for Togami's room.
She knocked.
"What do you want?"
"Your testimony."
Shortly after, Togami opened the door. "There was no body announcement from Monobear."
"I know. It's not that we're investigating. What were you doing last night?" Kirigiri asked tersely.
"I was feeling tired and went to bed early." He folded his arms. "What are you investigating if not someone's death?"
She looked him straight in the eye. "Someone in this school had sex with Makoto Naegi last night."
Togami turned a bright shade of red. "I don't know what you're asking me for, good day." He slammed the door in her face.
"...All liars have their weaknesses, and his is when it comes to things like this," Kirigiri commented to herself. "That's good. If the case had been any more difficult to unravel, I might have had to start considering the possibility that it was Monobear."