nealuchi | experienced the very same thing

Title: experienced the very same thing
Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs, Bungou to Alchemist
Character(s): BSD Atsushi, BunAl Atsushi
Pairing(s): BunAl Atsushi/BSD Atsushi
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Word Count: 505
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Referenced child abuse
Summary: Atsushis, each other's nightmares.
Notes: Written for BSD Rarepair Week. Part of Cogwheels.

Nakajima lets Atsushi sleep over at the library sometimes.

He doesn’t take him up on this often. If he did, Kyouka might get lonely, and Atsushi couldn’t let that happen. (Even if she felt safe enough, Kyouka can’t share a room with the other authors because they’re men, and she can’t squeeze into one room with both Atsushi and Nakajima.) But now and then he stays late enough reading or in conversation with Nakajima that it’s better to just sleep over than to make the trip back to the agency in the middle of the night. He’s always sure to text Kyouka so that she doesn’t worry over where he is.

(Once she asked him what he was doing there and if she should pick up condoms for him, and after that, Atsushi couldn’t visit the library for a few weeks out of sheer embarrassment.)

Most of the time, he gets a good night’s rest, and wakes up to the smell of someone making breakfast for the whole library. There’s always enough that people encourage him to have a share, and maybe bring some back for the rest of the agency.

Most of the time.

Sometimes he dreams of the orphanage, of what was done to him there, of what was said to him there. He dreams of the director’s face, still following him even now. He dreams of his childhood and wakes up in a cold sweat.

Nakajima is awake too, with a hand on Atsushi’s forehead. Atsushi can’t imagine what he said or did to wake Nakajima up, doesn’t want to imagine, and the first words out of his mouth are, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry-”

“Quiet.” Ah. It’s the other Nakajima, with sharper eyes and harsher words… who is awkwardly pulling Atsushi in for a hug. It’s not the best hug Atsushi’s received in his life, and he doesn’t have all that many to compare it to, but… “Those people are gone, so they can’t hurt you now. You understand?”

From this Nakajima, those blunt words mask a greater kindness. Atsushi nods against Nakajima’s shoulder and doesn’t let go.

There are other nights when Atsushi is woken up by the sound of crying.

Nakajima is doing his best to muffle it. His face is hidden in his hands, and he only looks up when Atsushi gently touches his shoulder.

“Atsushi.” He sniffles. “Who am I?”

What a question to ask at six in the morning. Atsushi tilts his head. “You’re Nakajima Atsushi, famous author, summoned spirit...”

Nakajima hides his face again. “Who is that? Is that me? Is that my other half, are we the same? Is that just you, and neither of us are real?”

Now Atsushi understands the nature of the question, and he pulls Nakajima into a hug. Nakajima doesn’t resist. “All of us are real. We might be a little unusual, and it might be hard to define the lines between us sometimes… But we’re definitely real.”

The beast inside him, the beast that is him, rumbles in agreement.