to leap away from those experiences

[misheard]

Title: to leap away from those experiences
Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs, Bungou to Alchemist
Character(s): BSD Dazai, BunAl Odasaku
Pairing(s): BSD Dazai/BunAl Odasaku
Genre: Angst
Word Count: 510
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Referenced character death
Summary: Detective Dazai and novelist Oda, replacements.
Notes: Written for BSD Rarepair Week. Part of Cogwheels.

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This Oda isn’t that Odasaku, Dazai reminds himself, so this isn’t a second chance.

There is no undoing his failure back then. Odasaku will not return. The appearance of the Odasaku with the loud laugh and easy smile has nothing to do with that.

(Because, if he forgot his failure on that day, would he forget his promise? Would he lose the reason to be a good man, if he thought he had a second chance?)

Oda’s interest in him is natural. Anyone would be interested in someone with the same name as their friend, particularly if they had more friends and enemies in common. It’s irrelevant if Oda hovers around him, tries to make sure he eats real food and showers at least twice a week. That’s the kind of person Oda is.

If it’s unrelated to that day, then it should be fine if he allows Oda to insert himself into Dazai’s life as a friend. Oda is someone completely different, not a replacement. There could never be a replacement.

And yet. And yet. And yet his spine stiffens the first time he hears Oda call them friends.

(”Because I am your friend.”)

And yet when Oda invites Dazai to join him for curry, Dazai can’t make excuses to leave fast enough. And yet the only story of Oda’s he can’t read is the one titled Flawless. And yet when Oda starts recalling a conversation about winning women over with writing/abilities, nearly word for word, Dazai nearly begs him to stop.

Forgetting Odasaku would be a betrayal. Replacing Odasaku would be a betrayal. Thinking of someone else as a way to make up for Odasaku’s death would be a betrayal. Dazai has committed plenty of betrayals, but this one? Never.

Forgiveness has never been his strong point. Not of others, and not of himself. To forgive and forget would be the worst betrayal of all.

“Dazaiii.” Oda slings an arm over Dazai’s shoulder, and Dazai allows it. “Stuck in yer head again? Sheesh, you’ve got a big brain an’ all, but that’s gotta get borin’ sometime.”

“Actually, it’s a lot more pleasant than the outside!” That’s a joke. It’s mostly a joke.

“That’s just cuz you don’t do anythin’ new on the outside!” Oda drops a ticket into his hand - a concert this weekend. Some Osakan band Dazai doesn’t know or care about. It’s unsurprising that this is Oda’s idea of fun, but…

“Very generous of you,” Dazai says, keeping his palm open for Oda to take the ticket back now, “but you should give this to your Dazai instead.”

“Why? Yer different people.” Oda says it like it was never even a question. “Plus my Dazai ain’t gotta be dragged kickin’ and screamin’ to have fun once in a while.” He steps back. “Jus’ think about it, would ya?”

After Oda leaves, Dazai drops the concert ticket on the floor, sighs heavily, and leaves.

Two minutes later, after glancing around to make sure no one is looking, he comes back and picks the ticket up again.