nealuchi | hold it in, hold it in

Title: hold it in, hold it in
Fandom: Bungou to Alchemist
Character(s): Chuuya, Dazai
Pairing(s): None
Genre: Hurt/Comfort
Word Count: 716
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Suicidal thoughts
Summary: Chuuya doesn’t mind making Dazai cry a little. It’s fun and he’ll be the first to say so. But there’s a difference from making him tear up and making him sob so hard he can barely manage to breathe in between.
Notes:

“So the person we know as Dazai Osamu - he grew into adulthood while staying as a child. … That fellow was more sensitive, more delicate of a human being than anybody else.”

Dazai going missing from the library isn’t a frequent occurrence, but it isn’t so rare that Chuuya is seriously worried about it. The only reason he’s searching along with Dazai’s friends is because it’ll get him out of delving for the day.

The Sumida River takes a long time to walk down the length of. Just when Chuuya’s considering searching somewhere else - anyway, if Dazai was in the river it’d be impossible for Chuuya to pull him out - he spots a figure in red staring down at the water below. They’re too far away for Chuuya to be sure, but:

“Oiii, you peach blossom!”

Sure enough, the person jolts at the nickname, and that’s all the confirmation Chuuya needs to pick up his pace before Dazai decides that drowning is better than being near Chuuya.

Dazai glances at the water a couple times, but keeps his feet on the ground long enough that Chuuya can reach him. “Um, hey… wh-what brings you out-?”

Already Chuuya isn’t listening. He grabs Dazai by the arm and starts to drag him back in the direction of the library. Dazai could stop him if he put up any resistance, but he never does.

He’s usually more talkative than this, though. After about five minutes with the silence only broken by Dazai’s shuddering breaths, Chuuya glances behind him. “Got anything to say for yourself? You scared the librarian half to death, y’know.”

“I’m sorry…” Dazai’s voice is tiny.

“You better be. Ango and Odasaku have been out searching longer than I have, Ibuse-sensei would be too if Satou didn’t think he was about to have a heart attack. You’re a real pain in the ass.” Chuuya has more to say, he might never run out of things to say about Dazai, but he bites his tongue when Dazai starts to sob.

He doesn’t mind making Dazai cry a little. It’s fun and he’ll be the first to say so. But there’s a difference from making him tear up and making him sob so hard he can barely manage to breathe in between.

Chuuya lets go of Dazai’s arm before giving it a few awkwatd pats. “Uh… There there?” Comforting people is not his job. If he’d known he’d have to comfort Dazai he would’ve just stayed in and done the stupid delves.

“I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry I’m a worthless human being who only hurts the people I care about-”

Dazai being able to talk between the tears is a good sign, he guesses?

“No you’re not, shut up.” Perfect. Flawless way to reassure a crying author. “They wouldn’t be out here looking for you if they didn’t like you.”

Dazai’s tears start slowing down to a sniffle. “But you’re out here.”

“And? Obviously I like you.”

There’s a moment where Dazai just stares at him with wide and reddened eyes. “Huh?”

“Seriously?” Chuuya would roll his eyes, but he can manage at least a little more tact lest Dazai burst into sobs again. “If I didn’t like you I wouldn’t bug you to drink with me or give you a nickname.”

Bafflement seems to have won out over despair. Good. “But you’re always calling me mackerel-”

“Your face looks like a mackerel, that’s just a fact.”

“-and you scare me all the time-”

“How am I supposed to not scare you? You’re scared of poodles.”

“-and you always - poodles are terrible!”

Chuuya does not have the tact necessary to not laugh out loud at Dazai’s ire towards poodles. He tried his best.

“Why doesn’t anyone believe me?! These supposedly ‘cute’ dogs make otherwise intelligent people fall over themselves to dote on them, and one day when the owner fails to please their pet enough-”

Dazai goes on a five minute rant about dogs and their vicious natures and the certainty of betrayal and how they’ve fooled everyone, etc. etc. while Chuuya just waits and smiles. When it seems like he’s exhausted himself, Chuuya asks, “Feeling better?”

“…Yeah, I am?” He sounds surprised.

“Good. C’mon, let’s go home.”

This time Chuuya reaches for Dazai’s hand instead of his arm.