misheard: (Xander)
Mini ([personal profile] misheard) wrote in [community profile] nealuchi2016-06-22 02:38 pm

a wandering soul with no compass north

Title: a wandering soul with no compass north
Fandom: Fire Emblem: Fates
Character(s): Xander, Soleil
Pairing(s): Onesided Xander/Laslow
Genre: Angst
Word Count: 615
Rating: PG
Warnings: Spoilers
Summary: Xander looks for Laslow and finds his daughter instead.
Notes: Conquest route.


“Your Majesty,” Soleil says, more courteously than usual, “if you’re looking for Dad, he’s already gone.”

Since awakening to find a letter slipped underneath his door, Xander has been searching the castle for Laslow… no, he’s called Inigo, properly. He’s been searching for Inigo for the better part of the morning, and he’s now reached the stables, where he’s run into Soleil.

Xander exhales, slowly. “I was afraid of that. Do you know which way he went?” If he takes his personal mount, the best horse they have, perhaps he could catch up-

She shakes her head. “Sorry.”

-but if he doesn’t even know which direction to head in, then it’s a foolish idea with no hope of success.

Even if he did catch up to him, somehow, it’s not as if he could say anything to sway Inigo from his choice… nor does he have any right to order him to stay, to keep him from his home, family, and friends. He’s often wondered what land his retainer came from and why he came to Nohr, and now he finally knows.

“He didn’t take you along?” Xander asks, because focusing on someone else is easier than thinking about why it’s so painful that Inigo should leave. It’s not as if he’s dead or even injured. He’s just gone home, where he belongs. Inigo even warned him in advance that this would happen, and he accepted that what he wanted was for Inigo to be safe and happy, so… Why does it still hurt?

“He asked if I’d come, but this world’s all I’ve ever known. I couldn’t just leave all my friends and my home. So I said no, and… He hugged me and left.” Soleil puts on a smile, but it’s a shaky one barely qualified to be called a smile. “Besides! Dad’s going to be just fine. He has his friends from home, and he’ll probably be really happy to see Grandma and Grandpa again. So I shouldn’t be sad, right? Even though I’ll… probably never see him again… and it’s so sudden...”

Oh. So that’s why his heart aches. Inigo may not be dead, but their separation is equally as permanent. He thought he’d have more time.

He thought they’d be able to spar together again. He thought they’d be able to spend another evening together in conversation that would last far longer than either of them intended, until the candlelight was barely enough to illuminate Xander’s chambers. He thought he’d be able to scold Inigo once more for his flirtations, and be scolded in turn for overworking himself. He thought they could do so much more.

What he wouldn’t give just to be able to say goodbye.

“Dad said if he’d stayed to talk to you first, he might lose his nerve,” Soleil says, and Xander realizes he said that last part out loud. “I’m really sorry.”

He doesn’t know how to talk about it, so he doesn’t. “I am the one who should apologize. You must be suffering a thousand times worse than I - anyone else is.”

She shakes her head rapidly, even as tears threaten to spill from the corners of her eyes. “I’m fine! It’s Dad’s choice, and I, I know he really loves me wherever he is, so… so…” She takes in a huge breath before throwing herself face-first at Xander, wailing.

Faced with an armful of crying teenage girl, Xander is forced to call on his memories of what he used to do for Elise when she was in a mood like this. He pets her hair lightly and murmurs, “Everything will be okay.”

It was much easier when he didn’t want to cry himself.