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Entry tags:
respect that things have changed
Title: respect that things have changed
Fandom: End Roll + 1bitHeart
Character(s): Russell, Nanashi
Pairing(s): None
Genre: Friendship/Angst
Word Count: 555
Rating: PG
Warnings: End Roll spoilers, suicide mention
Summary: Russell and Nanashi meet in therapy.
Notes: Happy birthday, Jackie!
“You’re fourteen too!” the boy in front of Russell says as they wait for group therapy to start. It doesn’t sound like a question, but Russell nods anyway. “That’s great! I don’t have a lot of friends my age, so will you be friends with me?”
It’s too familiar, especially with that boy’s white hair, and for a second it’s a different smiling face in front of him. Russell pales, says nothing.
“...It’s okay if you don’t want to!” says the boy. “We can work up to that. Oh, I’m Yoshi Nanase. You can call me Nanashi, or - well, actually, Nanashi is fine?” He sounds like the words he’s saying are unfamiliar to him.
Russell takes a moment to banish ghosts from his head, and says, “Russell.”
Russell doesn’t want to be here, and he especially doesn’t want to talk, so he spends most of the time either listening to other people talk about issues he can’t relate to or zoning out. Nanashi’s problem is incredibly low self-esteem: he says he used to introduce himself as trash just to get it out of the way.
“It’s more complicated than that, probably,” Nanashi says, fidgeting with his headphones. “I just couldn’t understand other people? That’s where it all started.”
That finally gets a little bit of Russell’s attention. If he has to go to therapy - and he doesn’t have a choice about it after his attempt at suicide failed - he can afford to listen to one other person talk about themselves.
They see each other a lot, of course. The teen section of the ward isn’t that big, and they’re the two youngest kids, so the older teenagers don’t go out of their way to talk to them. Nanashi tries talking to them, with mixed results.
“I don’t know how to make friends,” he confides to Russell. “If you do something nice for someone, they’ll be friends with you, right?”
Russell thinks of a certain doctor and a certain knife. “That’s just them using you.”
“I guess so…” Nanashi sighs and flops back on the couch. “I wish I ‘got’ people.”
“You don’t want that.” The words slip from Russell’s mouth before he can stop them, and even though Nanashi is giving him a funny look, he goes on. “I want to go back to when I didn’t understand normal emotions. I hate feeling these things. Sympathy, and worry, and guilt… They’re awful.”
“...I don’t know. I think it’s good that you can feel those things at all.” Nanashi gives a small, shaky smile. “I haven’t let myself be anything but happy for - maybe years? If I’m hurt, I pretend it’s not there. If someone upsets me I say it doesn’t matter. So… I kind of wish I could trade with you.”
Russell stares at him in disbelief for a few seconds, before shaking his head. “I wouldn’t do that to you. You don’t deserve it.” And Russell does, he knows.
“Thanks.” Nanashi’s smile evens out to something a little more genuine. “Maybe we’ll both feel like normal people someday, and get to feel everything, good and bad.”
“...That sounds nice.” Russell can’t deny it, even though he doesn’t think he’s earned a life like that.
But when Nanashi grins and says, “I’m rooting for you!” he doesn’t have the heart to shut him down, either.
Fandom: End Roll + 1bitHeart
Character(s): Russell, Nanashi
Pairing(s): None
Genre: Friendship/Angst
Word Count: 555
Rating: PG
Warnings: End Roll spoilers, suicide mention
Summary: Russell and Nanashi meet in therapy.
Notes: Happy birthday, Jackie!
“You’re fourteen too!” the boy in front of Russell says as they wait for group therapy to start. It doesn’t sound like a question, but Russell nods anyway. “That’s great! I don’t have a lot of friends my age, so will you be friends with me?”
It’s too familiar, especially with that boy’s white hair, and for a second it’s a different smiling face in front of him. Russell pales, says nothing.
“...It’s okay if you don’t want to!” says the boy. “We can work up to that. Oh, I’m Yoshi Nanase. You can call me Nanashi, or - well, actually, Nanashi is fine?” He sounds like the words he’s saying are unfamiliar to him.
Russell takes a moment to banish ghosts from his head, and says, “Russell.”
Russell doesn’t want to be here, and he especially doesn’t want to talk, so he spends most of the time either listening to other people talk about issues he can’t relate to or zoning out. Nanashi’s problem is incredibly low self-esteem: he says he used to introduce himself as trash just to get it out of the way.
“It’s more complicated than that, probably,” Nanashi says, fidgeting with his headphones. “I just couldn’t understand other people? That’s where it all started.”
That finally gets a little bit of Russell’s attention. If he has to go to therapy - and he doesn’t have a choice about it after his attempt at suicide failed - he can afford to listen to one other person talk about themselves.
They see each other a lot, of course. The teen section of the ward isn’t that big, and they’re the two youngest kids, so the older teenagers don’t go out of their way to talk to them. Nanashi tries talking to them, with mixed results.
“I don’t know how to make friends,” he confides to Russell. “If you do something nice for someone, they’ll be friends with you, right?”
Russell thinks of a certain doctor and a certain knife. “That’s just them using you.”
“I guess so…” Nanashi sighs and flops back on the couch. “I wish I ‘got’ people.”
“You don’t want that.” The words slip from Russell’s mouth before he can stop them, and even though Nanashi is giving him a funny look, he goes on. “I want to go back to when I didn’t understand normal emotions. I hate feeling these things. Sympathy, and worry, and guilt… They’re awful.”
“...I don’t know. I think it’s good that you can feel those things at all.” Nanashi gives a small, shaky smile. “I haven’t let myself be anything but happy for - maybe years? If I’m hurt, I pretend it’s not there. If someone upsets me I say it doesn’t matter. So… I kind of wish I could trade with you.”
Russell stares at him in disbelief for a few seconds, before shaking his head. “I wouldn’t do that to you. You don’t deserve it.” And Russell does, he knows.
“Thanks.” Nanashi’s smile evens out to something a little more genuine. “Maybe we’ll both feel like normal people someday, and get to feel everything, good and bad.”
“...That sounds nice.” Russell can’t deny it, even though he doesn’t think he’s earned a life like that.
But when Nanashi grins and says, “I’m rooting for you!” he doesn’t have the heart to shut him down, either.