misheard: (Dazai)
Mini ([personal profile] misheard) wrote in [community profile] nealuchi2016-11-08 11:20 pm

past heads and tails: addendum

Title: past heads and tails: addendum
Fandom: Bungou Stray Dogs, Bungou to Alchemist
Character(s): BSD!Dazai, BunAru!Odasaku, BunAur!Chuuya
Pairing(s): None
Genre: Humor
Word Count: 500
Rating: PG
Warnings: None
Summary: Dazai asks about himself and wishes he hadn’t.
Notes: Yep, it really went down like that.


“So, Chuuya, Oda.” Dazai hasn’t quite been able to call Oda ‘Odasaku’ yet, but it’s not important. “While you’re here, tell me about what ‘Dazai Osamu’ is like where you’re from.”

Oda and Chuuya look at each other.

Oda says, “Well, he’s-”

“The most pathetic human being I have ever had the bad luck to meet,” says Chuuya, folding his arms. “Are you sure you want to hear about a wimp like that?”

The insults aren’t unfamiliar coming from Chuyua, even if the specific insults are new. “Oda?”

“There’s plenty of good stuff about Dazai,” says Oda. He sounds a little defensive. “Just for starters, he’s-”

“Not counting how good of a writer he is,” says Chuuya.

Oda pauses for a second, which isn’t reassuring. “...Okay, but he’s still one of the nicest people I’ve ever run into. He’s selfless-”

Chuuya snorts. “You mean he’s got no self-esteem to speak of.”

“-and he forgives people-”

“Because he doesn’t give a damn about himself, or he wouldn’t have tried to kill himself every other minute.”

“-and he’s sensitive-”

“He’s so emotional that he was scared shitless of me and nearly cried the first time we met.”

Dazai, who had been listening with a growing sense of bewilderment, chooses now to interject. “I was not. Oda, tell that pipsqueak that I wasn’t.”

“Actually… he’s being kinda generous here,” says Oda, while Chuuya glowers at Dazai. “You were scared shitless of him the first two times you met, not just the first. And you only met three times, so that’s not great?”

“See,” says Chuuya, triumphant. “Even your friend agrees with me.”

Dazai can only stare at Oda, utterly betrayed.

Oda throws his hands up. “I wasn’t there, but Kazuo wrote about it and he was there, and he’s your friend so he wouldn’t make things up, y’know? I’m pretty sure he said you got along for as long as Chuuya was sober, so about five minutes, maybe?”

Chuuya doesn’t look too offended by the suggestion that he’s almost always drunk. It’s probably true.

“And then Chuuya got rude and grabbed your collar once, and - well, mostly he yelled at you a lot and you just agreed with anything he said and looked like you wanted to cry. Or die,” says Oda. “Or both. Then there was a fistfight. The second time you met, after you ran away in the middle of a drinking session you ended up hiding in your room pretending to be asleep while Kazuo tried to kick Chuuya out.”

“Completely terrified,” says Chuuya. “I’m two years older than you and I was a better writer and better established then, obviously, but that’s still pathetic.”

Dazai has few real regrets in life, but one of them is asking about this in the first place. He also very rarely has no idea what to say, but he’s currently at a loss for words.

Finally, he comes up with something. “Oda?”

“Yeah?”

“Never tell the other Chuuya about this.”

“Sure thing, bro.”