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Entry tags:
mark us with rust
Title: mark us with rust
Fandom: End Roll
Character(s): Russell
Pairing(s): None
Genre: Angst
Word Count: 600
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mentioned canon character death
Summary: Russell reflects on differences between his dream friends and the real thing.
Notes: I have to write 62 more words today, that's ridiculous. By request.
For Tabasa, it’s a matter of filling in the spaces.
Russell knew very little about the real Tabasa. He knew that he was kind, and fond of animals, and trusted people easily, especially kids Russell’s age. Other things - how he acted around other adults, what he liked to do in his spare time, the meat of his personality - he didn’t and doesn’t know.
The Tabasa in his dream is a whole person, or close to one. The gaps in Russell’s knowledge close into something you’d never be able to tell was made from an encounter of an hour, at most.
For Gardenia, it’s a matter of not paying attention.
When Russell bothered to attend school, he didn’t talk to the other students, except for Chris. He didn’t listen to their chatter, and he didn’t form opinions about them or put together their personalities.
Even at Gardenia’s party, his mind was elsewhere. She could have been anything - a bright and cheery child, a moody girl made to invite her classmates by etiquette, somewhere in between.
Russell’s dream can’t quite decide. It leans one way, but reminds him of the second option every time that he takes the first along with him.
For Cody and Dogma, he works entirely from scratch.
You can’t put together a personality from occasional pieces of church services, even if you catch parts of the sermon. You can’t know anything about a girl just from her relationship to someone else. There’s just nothing there.
But the capacity for guilt exists, and so they’re given life, given a fullness of being and personality. If they ever were able to leave that dream, they wouldn’t fool anyone who knew them for a second into thinking they were the same. They have lives of their own - almost, but not quite.
For Kantera, the differences are more subtle.
Of all the people in his dream, Russell knew Kantera the best. He knew parts of his history, or at least the parts he regretted the most. He knew how he talked, how he acted, how he treated Russell with kindness. That hasn’t changed.
The important differences aren’t Kantera’s horns or wings. Those don’t matter: they’re superficial, made to make his dream more interesting.
What’s important is that the Kantera here genuinely wants him to be happy. He acts in his own self-interest still, but never when it comes to Russell. They’re friends.
For Mireille, he’s changed her situation, and that’s changed everything else.
Allowing her to be with the man she loved was a kindness not afforded to her in life. She’d been good to him, so he thanked her that way in his subconscious. Even with what she did, he felt that she deserved at least a little better than what she got.
Mireille is happier than she was with Russell in life. She’s more dedicated to her work, although she wasn’t lazy to begin with. She’s more easily flustered, but that’s just what happens to women in love, isn’t it?
For Yumi, he’s changed her fate.
It doesn’t matter what she was like in life. She was kind, always looking out for him even when he was causing trouble for her, and she had a cheerful smile and a full laugh, so she must have been a good person - but even if she somehow wasn’t, she didn’t deserve to die.
Not like that. Not because of him.
This time it’ll be different. This time, that monster won’t touch her. This time Russell will be able to do something besides stare blankly at the dead bodies of his parents.
Never again.
Fandom: End Roll
Character(s): Russell
Pairing(s): None
Genre: Angst
Word Count: 600
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Mentioned canon character death
Summary: Russell reflects on differences between his dream friends and the real thing.
Notes: I have to write 62 more words today, that's ridiculous. By request.
For Tabasa, it’s a matter of filling in the spaces.
Russell knew very little about the real Tabasa. He knew that he was kind, and fond of animals, and trusted people easily, especially kids Russell’s age. Other things - how he acted around other adults, what he liked to do in his spare time, the meat of his personality - he didn’t and doesn’t know.
The Tabasa in his dream is a whole person, or close to one. The gaps in Russell’s knowledge close into something you’d never be able to tell was made from an encounter of an hour, at most.
For Gardenia, it’s a matter of not paying attention.
When Russell bothered to attend school, he didn’t talk to the other students, except for Chris. He didn’t listen to their chatter, and he didn’t form opinions about them or put together their personalities.
Even at Gardenia’s party, his mind was elsewhere. She could have been anything - a bright and cheery child, a moody girl made to invite her classmates by etiquette, somewhere in between.
Russell’s dream can’t quite decide. It leans one way, but reminds him of the second option every time that he takes the first along with him.
For Cody and Dogma, he works entirely from scratch.
You can’t put together a personality from occasional pieces of church services, even if you catch parts of the sermon. You can’t know anything about a girl just from her relationship to someone else. There’s just nothing there.
But the capacity for guilt exists, and so they’re given life, given a fullness of being and personality. If they ever were able to leave that dream, they wouldn’t fool anyone who knew them for a second into thinking they were the same. They have lives of their own - almost, but not quite.
For Kantera, the differences are more subtle.
Of all the people in his dream, Russell knew Kantera the best. He knew parts of his history, or at least the parts he regretted the most. He knew how he talked, how he acted, how he treated Russell with kindness. That hasn’t changed.
The important differences aren’t Kantera’s horns or wings. Those don’t matter: they’re superficial, made to make his dream more interesting.
What’s important is that the Kantera here genuinely wants him to be happy. He acts in his own self-interest still, but never when it comes to Russell. They’re friends.
For Mireille, he’s changed her situation, and that’s changed everything else.
Allowing her to be with the man she loved was a kindness not afforded to her in life. She’d been good to him, so he thanked her that way in his subconscious. Even with what she did, he felt that she deserved at least a little better than what she got.
Mireille is happier than she was with Russell in life. She’s more dedicated to her work, although she wasn’t lazy to begin with. She’s more easily flustered, but that’s just what happens to women in love, isn’t it?
For Yumi, he’s changed her fate.
It doesn’t matter what she was like in life. She was kind, always looking out for him even when he was causing trouble for her, and she had a cheerful smile and a full laugh, so she must have been a good person - but even if she somehow wasn’t, she didn’t deserve to die.
Not like that. Not because of him.
This time it’ll be different. This time, that monster won’t touch her. This time Russell will be able to do something besides stare blankly at the dead bodies of his parents.
Never again.