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Entry tags:
in the light of this world
Title: in the light of this world
Fandom: Bungou to Alchemist
Character(s): Chuuya, Dazai
Pairing(s): None
Genre: Angst
Word Count: 565
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Child death mention
Summary: Chuuya congratulates Dazai on the accomplishments of his daughter: things sour quickly.
Notes: The poem quoted in the fic and in the title is "Spring Will Come Again" by Chuuya, collected in Poems of Days Past.
Drunk Chuuya in a good mood is almost as dangerous as drunk Chuuya in a bad mood, because he can swing from one to the other near instantly.
So when Chuuya throws an arm over Dazai’s shoulder and slurs, “Congratulations!”, Dazai thinks it’s totally reasonable that he tenses up.
“Uh… congratulations for what?” he asks.
“Your daughter,” says Chuuya. “Just got the Tanizaki prize a few years ago, right?”
If 1998 can be called ‘just a few years ago’, that’s true. But the slight discrepancy in dates isn’t why Dazai freezes before managing to choke out, “Y-yes, that’s Satoko…” He’s never understood why she took a pen name - Satoko is a perfectly good name.
“And before that, the Izumi Kyouka prize, and before that runner-up for the Akutagawa prize. You must be so proud,” says Chuuya.
“Well… sort of…” It’s true that he is Tsushima Satoko’s father, genetically, but he left her, her siblings, and her mother behind to run off with another woman, and she was only one when he committed suicide. There’s no way she has any memory of him, and he likewise only has the faintest memory of her.
“She just passed away this year,” says Chuuya, going on despite Dazai’s clear discomfort with the subject, “so maybe we’ll pull her out of a book? Wouldn’t that be nice, you gettin’ to bond with your kids?”
Dazai shrinks into himself and says nothing.
“She was sixty-somethin’, right?” A scowl starts to appear on Chuuya’s face, and he takes his arm off of Dazai’s shoulder. “Sixty… sixty…”
“Sixty-eight.” At the very least, Dazai can remember her birthday.
“Why the hell did your kid live to be sixty-eight?!” Chuuya raises his voice. “You didn’t even appreciate her, you ran off with some floozy - why the fuck was it your kid who lived and not mine?!”
“I - I wouldn’t call her a floozy…” Dazai feels like he should probably defend Tomie’s honor, even if he’s terrified right now.
Chuuya scoffs. “Anybody who wants to nab a married man for themselves is a floozy. Anyway, that’s not the point, peach blossom bastard. You’re a shit father and you don’t deserve the kids you had.”
“I know,” says Dazai. “...I know that, but please don’t hold it against my children.”
“I’m not. Of course I’m not. They already had bad luck enough to end up with you as a dad-” Chuuya shakes his head once, as if to clear it. “It’s just - ugh, you don’t understand, you asshole. You’re never gonna understand my feelings.”
Dazai closes his eyes and calls upon the memory of a poem he didn’t write.
“‘People say Spring will come again
But I don’t feel any relief
What does that change - Spring coming?
That child ain’t coming back either way’”
Chuuya looks up at him with tears suddenly in his eyes, and throws himself at Dazai with such a force that Dazai almost thinks that he’s misjudged the situation and Chuuya’s picking a fight with him after all. But, no - Chuuya’s just sobbing into his chest, crying and getting snot on Dazai’s shirt.
Dazai doesn’t even think of complaining about that. He hesitates a moment, then rests a gentle hand on Chuuya’s back.
Between sobs, Chuuya manages a single phrase: “It’s not fair… it’s not fair…”
“It’s not,” says Dazai, and rubs Chuuya’s back as soothingly as he can until his tears slow.
Fandom: Bungou to Alchemist
Character(s): Chuuya, Dazai
Pairing(s): None
Genre: Angst
Word Count: 565
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: Child death mention
Summary: Chuuya congratulates Dazai on the accomplishments of his daughter: things sour quickly.
Notes: The poem quoted in the fic and in the title is "Spring Will Come Again" by Chuuya, collected in Poems of Days Past.
Drunk Chuuya in a good mood is almost as dangerous as drunk Chuuya in a bad mood, because he can swing from one to the other near instantly.
So when Chuuya throws an arm over Dazai’s shoulder and slurs, “Congratulations!”, Dazai thinks it’s totally reasonable that he tenses up.
“Uh… congratulations for what?” he asks.
“Your daughter,” says Chuuya. “Just got the Tanizaki prize a few years ago, right?”
If 1998 can be called ‘just a few years ago’, that’s true. But the slight discrepancy in dates isn’t why Dazai freezes before managing to choke out, “Y-yes, that’s Satoko…” He’s never understood why she took a pen name - Satoko is a perfectly good name.
“And before that, the Izumi Kyouka prize, and before that runner-up for the Akutagawa prize. You must be so proud,” says Chuuya.
“Well… sort of…” It’s true that he is Tsushima Satoko’s father, genetically, but he left her, her siblings, and her mother behind to run off with another woman, and she was only one when he committed suicide. There’s no way she has any memory of him, and he likewise only has the faintest memory of her.
“She just passed away this year,” says Chuuya, going on despite Dazai’s clear discomfort with the subject, “so maybe we’ll pull her out of a book? Wouldn’t that be nice, you gettin’ to bond with your kids?”
Dazai shrinks into himself and says nothing.
“She was sixty-somethin’, right?” A scowl starts to appear on Chuuya’s face, and he takes his arm off of Dazai’s shoulder. “Sixty… sixty…”
“Sixty-eight.” At the very least, Dazai can remember her birthday.
“Why the hell did your kid live to be sixty-eight?!” Chuuya raises his voice. “You didn’t even appreciate her, you ran off with some floozy - why the fuck was it your kid who lived and not mine?!”
“I - I wouldn’t call her a floozy…” Dazai feels like he should probably defend Tomie’s honor, even if he’s terrified right now.
Chuuya scoffs. “Anybody who wants to nab a married man for themselves is a floozy. Anyway, that’s not the point, peach blossom bastard. You’re a shit father and you don’t deserve the kids you had.”
“I know,” says Dazai. “...I know that, but please don’t hold it against my children.”
“I’m not. Of course I’m not. They already had bad luck enough to end up with you as a dad-” Chuuya shakes his head once, as if to clear it. “It’s just - ugh, you don’t understand, you asshole. You’re never gonna understand my feelings.”
Dazai closes his eyes and calls upon the memory of a poem he didn’t write.
“‘People say Spring will come again
But I don’t feel any relief
What does that change - Spring coming?
That child ain’t coming back either way’”
Chuuya looks up at him with tears suddenly in his eyes, and throws himself at Dazai with such a force that Dazai almost thinks that he’s misjudged the situation and Chuuya’s picking a fight with him after all. But, no - Chuuya’s just sobbing into his chest, crying and getting snot on Dazai’s shirt.
Dazai doesn’t even think of complaining about that. He hesitates a moment, then rests a gentle hand on Chuuya’s back.
Between sobs, Chuuya manages a single phrase: “It’s not fair… it’s not fair…”
“It’s not,” says Dazai, and rubs Chuuya’s back as soothingly as he can until his tears slow.