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Entry tags:
the mistake of loving someone
Title: the mistake of loving someone
Fandom: Fate/Grand Order
Character(s): Roman, Ritsuka
Pairing(s): Roman/Ritsuka
Genre: Angst
Word Count: 530
Rating: PG
Warnings: Spoilers
Summary: “Ritsuka,” Romani says, softly. Something both less and more than clairvoyance tells him that she already knows what he’s about to say. “I’m honored, but I can’t accept your feelings.”
Notes: can I write a happy fic about this canon, probably not anytime soon
When Ritsuka clasps Romani’s hands and says, “Please go out with me,” all he can think is-
‘I’ve messed up.’
“I know it’s not the best time for dating,” she says when he doesn’t immediately answer. “I know I’m younger than you, and I know we can’t really ‘go out’ while things are like this - maybe we could Rayshift, Orleans is romantic? - but I… I like you.”
“Ritsuka,” he says, softly. Something both less and more than clairvoyance tells him that she already knows what he’s about to say. “I’m honored, but I can’t accept your feelings.”
She bites her lip. “Why not?”
Because it’s going to be difficult enough for him to sacrifice his life to stop their enemy as it is, and he doesn’t want Ritsuka to feel any more pain when that time comes. “It wouldn’t be appropriate.”
“If you think of me as a child I’m more worried about you sending me on missions where I could die,” she says. They both wince. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to say it like that-”
“No, you’re right. You’re not a child and I’m not trying to treat you like one.” He sighs heavily. “But I’m still your commanding officer. I need you to be able to trust me out there and follow orders. If our relationship went sour, that would affect the mission, and that could put you in even more danger.”
Ritsuka swallows hard and lowers her head. “…Right. I’m sorry. You can just forget I said anything. …Have a good day, Doctor.” She turns to leave.
“Wait-” Without thinking, he grasps her shoulder.
She waits silently, and now he has to think of something to actually say.
“…When the mission is over and you leave Chaldea, you’ll find someone you can give your heart to. Someone who will love you as much as you deserve. Someone who can stand with you instead of just watching uselessly from a distance.” His voice trembles, just a little. “You’ll both be very, very happy together.”
As Solomon, he would have been able to put real power into this blessing; as Roman, he puts his love into it instead.
“…and you?” She still isn’t looking at him. “Will you be happy, once all of this is over?”
“I’m happy already.” The smile he puts on isn’t fake, even if it’s weak. “Don’t worry about me.”
“If you say that, it just makes people worry about you more, you know?” Finally, she turns to face him again. She’s smiling, but her eyes are wet. “I’m going to have to message you every day just to make sure you’re eating properly.”
“Oh no, what a terrible fate, talking to Ritsuka.” He forces a laugh, feeling a hole open up in his chest. “I’m sure I’ll survive somehow.”
‘Forgive me. I want to live. I want to survive all of this and send you messages at two in the morning and get scolded for living off of ramen. I want to see you safe and happy… but if I can’t see it myself, that’s fine, as long as you’re safe.’
‘…Even I’m not dumb enough to say it, but I like you too.’
Fandom: Fate/Grand Order
Character(s): Roman, Ritsuka
Pairing(s): Roman/Ritsuka
Genre: Angst
Word Count: 530
Rating: PG
Warnings: Spoilers
Summary: “Ritsuka,” Romani says, softly. Something both less and more than clairvoyance tells him that she already knows what he’s about to say. “I’m honored, but I can’t accept your feelings.”
Notes: can I write a happy fic about this canon, probably not anytime soon
When Ritsuka clasps Romani’s hands and says, “Please go out with me,” all he can think is-
‘I’ve messed up.’
“I know it’s not the best time for dating,” she says when he doesn’t immediately answer. “I know I’m younger than you, and I know we can’t really ‘go out’ while things are like this - maybe we could Rayshift, Orleans is romantic? - but I… I like you.”
“Ritsuka,” he says, softly. Something both less and more than clairvoyance tells him that she already knows what he’s about to say. “I’m honored, but I can’t accept your feelings.”
She bites her lip. “Why not?”
Because it’s going to be difficult enough for him to sacrifice his life to stop their enemy as it is, and he doesn’t want Ritsuka to feel any more pain when that time comes. “It wouldn’t be appropriate.”
“If you think of me as a child I’m more worried about you sending me on missions where I could die,” she says. They both wince. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to say it like that-”
“No, you’re right. You’re not a child and I’m not trying to treat you like one.” He sighs heavily. “But I’m still your commanding officer. I need you to be able to trust me out there and follow orders. If our relationship went sour, that would affect the mission, and that could put you in even more danger.”
Ritsuka swallows hard and lowers her head. “…Right. I’m sorry. You can just forget I said anything. …Have a good day, Doctor.” She turns to leave.
“Wait-” Without thinking, he grasps her shoulder.
She waits silently, and now he has to think of something to actually say.
“…When the mission is over and you leave Chaldea, you’ll find someone you can give your heart to. Someone who will love you as much as you deserve. Someone who can stand with you instead of just watching uselessly from a distance.” His voice trembles, just a little. “You’ll both be very, very happy together.”
As Solomon, he would have been able to put real power into this blessing; as Roman, he puts his love into it instead.
“…and you?” She still isn’t looking at him. “Will you be happy, once all of this is over?”
“I’m happy already.” The smile he puts on isn’t fake, even if it’s weak. “Don’t worry about me.”
“If you say that, it just makes people worry about you more, you know?” Finally, she turns to face him again. She’s smiling, but her eyes are wet. “I’m going to have to message you every day just to make sure you’re eating properly.”
“Oh no, what a terrible fate, talking to Ritsuka.” He forces a laugh, feeling a hole open up in his chest. “I’m sure I’ll survive somehow.”
‘Forgive me. I want to live. I want to survive all of this and send you messages at two in the morning and get scolded for living off of ramen. I want to see you safe and happy… but if I can’t see it myself, that’s fine, as long as you’re safe.’
‘…Even I’m not dumb enough to say it, but I like you too.’